Insomniac / Final Year of Undergrad.

Well here I am again, unable to sleep because there are simply too many things on my mind that I feel need to be let out.

But I want to sleep so badly.  Really, really badly.

Ever have the feeling of excitement and hope about something but knowing there’s probably a 96% chance that something won’t happen?  But you foolishly don’t give up on hope anyways?

Yea, that’s me right now at 4:30 in the morning.

My last year of college is about to begin in two weeks, and although I’m excited, I still get that sly little devil on my shoulder that whispers to me all of the disappointments I will probably face, especially now, since this is my final year.  My final year for amazing memories with the class of 2016.  My final year of foolishly hoping that the one man whose friendship I greatly cherish and whose heart I’ve swooned over for three years now will finally see something in mine worth pursuing.  My final year of feeling completely safe with my surroundings.  My final year of studying in the campus coffee shop that mellows out my mood no matter what kind of day it is (plus one of my barista friends is the most adorable middle-aged lady).

My final chapter for this section of my endless story is on the horizon, and I’m scared.  So, so scared and saddened.

But I’m also hopeful.  And, well, what’s the good of a rollercoaster if there’s not a hella scary ascending that leads to something you know you will survive in the end?

K this is too much cheese for the hour of now 5 a.m.  My attempt to sleep starts now… my life


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