Welp, here it is. I have officially moved into my new living arrangements on campus and am about to start the last year of my undergrad journey. And the feels are all too real.
As I reflect on the past three years here, I marvel at how often I prayed and pleaded for something I didn’t have; whether it was better concentration, more talent, a significant other..I just kept going back to trying to justify my “need” for the things I desperately wanted.
I think in life it’s normal to become bitter about something that our heart wants but just can’t seem to tangibly grasp, but being bitter for too long becomes a burden. I don’t wana spend my last year at ONU being bitter and anxious, no matter what the situation calls for.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s my last year and I’m getting all sentimental or if it’s because I’m actually learning something, but I feel like I finally have peace about just letting things be.
This year I can start to fully appreciate friendships for what they are, regardless if a friendship is not as …”more” than I want it to be. I can start to fully appreciate my time here on campus with every event, every productive day, even every lousy day. I can start to embrace peace over the fact that I have no idea what will truly happen after graduation, after I leave my home away from home for good, after I say goodbye to many that I hold close to my heart who will spread out across the world to do their part in this life. Peace is over me because I will take things one day at a time, one minute at a time.
The community on this campus is unlike any I’ve been a part of, and it’s certainly been a breath of fresh air compared to my high school experience. I think, too, that simply “growing up“, focusing on the important things in life, are what generally make us appreciate and respect each other that much more.
To my dear friends here at ONU: If I stare at you or hug you a little bit too long for comfort, know that I’m soaking up the moment for memory and that I have nothing but immense love for you. If you see me tearing up at any point, it’s probably because I’m being sentimental about this final year. If you hear me laughing obnoxiously in an inappropriate place..or just anywhere… know that I’m unapologetically not holding any good feeling back and plan to take advantage of the feelings of happiness that come over me while I’m here; I realized I’ve spent too many minutes on this campus without a smile on my face.
Peace is over me because I finally see that I do, and will, appreciate the things that I already have. The gratitude that is in my heart is overwhelmingly real. Maybe it’s taken getting to the starting road of a sentimental last year of college for me to realize that no matter what my heart desires, no matter what the ache, life will find a way.
I am, for the first time in a long while, a being of energy–filled with pure love that’s ready to spread like fire. I’m ready to soak in these important days minute by minute, and I really thank God for it.