I Understand Now…

We all have our love languages.  For me it’s physical touch.  And I don’t know why I was wired that way but I can’t do anything about it.  It’s there, written in my DNA.

I can understand why some people choose to sleep around.  Not all cases are like this, but for some, physical touch is such a healing thing to them that they literally wither away without it for too long.

Now I don’t wana sleep around, but I definitely understand the strong desire to be wanted, even if it’s for a short time, because it’s been such a huge void inside my very gut for so long it seems.

I’m also a firm believer that, you know, you don’t need a man to make it in life, and same goes for the other way around!  But in my life, and in my circumstances, I know I won’t make it long without a partner…someone to call my better half…someone who will fight for and with me against this demon called MDD that wants to fully consume me one day.  I need someone who will be loyal to me, who will take care of me and let me take care of him…who will rub my back whenever he feels like it…who will kiss me like his life depended on it…who will hold me while the waves of pain come that I have to ride out…who will fight to keep me alive so I know that there’s a reason to fight.

Touch is more than healing to me.  It’s lifesaving.

And I wish more than anything that I could start sharing life with someone.

With each passing day, I feel myself growing more and more lost.  I crave for someone to be willing to take me into their heart once they find me; I need a home.  I want a home…

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